My Story

When Love Isn’t Enough: A Christian Husband’s Story of Trust, Loss, and Faith

I had known Katie through her ex-husband, but not very well. I always admired her—she was beautiful, smart, known as an amazing L&D nurse and honestly, quite the catch. But I understood her to be a little high maintenance and certainly not my type. After her divorce, Katie and I began to build a friendship—no dating, no intentions of anything romantic. At least, not at first.

I’d like to say I wasn’t attracted to her, but that wouldn’t be true. She had me at the first kiss.  Still, I reminded myself: Not my type. Apparently, God had other plans.

Neither of us had any idea what God’s design for marriage really looked like. Katie had grown up watching her parents struggle through a horrible marriage. My own parents weren’t much better—though I was blessed with an incredible mom who found Christ around the time I left home, my dad never treated her the way she deserved. So basically neither  Katie or I had any idea what marriage was supposed to look like.

Katie and I began having long, meaningful conversations. Many of those included God and doing things the right way. I think this was partly because we were both trying to make sense of our pasts—Katie processing her recent divorce, and me reflecting on a long list of regrets. Eventually, I asked her to have lunch with me. She said yes—but with a clear reminder: “This is not a date.”

Not long after, we came across a Christian book called The Naked Marriage—a guide to building intimacy, transparency, vulnerability, and trust in marriage. It sounded like everything we had never experienced. I bought the book, and we started reading it together.

That’s when God began stirring something in me. I felt convicted to pray with Katie. At the time, I had never done that with someone —and I didn’t want to start. But God kept nudging me. Eventually, I asked her if we could pray together. She said yes. I don’t remember what I prayed, only that I was nervous and awkward and felt like I failed. But I finished with “Amen.” And she echoed Amen.

From that moment on, prayer became a part of our life. At first, I prayed. Later, I asked her to take a turn. She was hesitant but after a few weeks she prayed and did an amazing job.  Soon it became natural and we began alternating during prayer, covering everything from friends and church to family and, especially, our kids.   I can remember times starting to say “Amen” and Katie would say “not Amen yet” and she would jump in and add things I forgot or something new.  All I can say is it was awesome.

I don’t know how many couples regularly pray together, but I can say this: it is one of the most intimate and powerful things you can do in your marriage. If you’re not doing it, you should.

Our prayer life grew, and we began visiting churches together. We eventually settled at Capitol City Church in Des Moines. God began speaking to us as a couple. We both knew—and I believe still know—that our relationship was from Him. Katie even said this was the best relationship she had ever been in.

And yet… she never stepped fully into the “naked marriage” we were striving for. She put up walls. Deep ones. And despite everything we were building, those walls stayed up.

God blessed us with so much insight into His plan for marriage. I truly believed He had a ministry in mind for us—together. I wasn’t much of a reader, but over five years I read over 30 Christian books on marriage and on how to better serve your wife. Katie read several with me. I know I failed in many ways, but one thing was always true: I always put Katie before myself. And unfortunatly on occasion I put her before God too.

Katie once told our pastor and his wife that she knew I was the one for her and God created our relationship—but that she just wasn’t sure she could trust again after her previous marriage.

Only a few months later, Katie filed for divorce. She knew it was against God’s will. Worse, she began spreading falsehoods—to friends, family, and neighbors—saying I had changed  and that I stopped reading the Bible with her. That wasn’t true. In our only couple counseling session, she admitted that I had tried to keep reading with her, but she would usually fall asleep. She also told the counselor she had no doubt I loved her “from her tippy toes to the hair on her head” and that I had always kept my promises.

But she still walked away.

I pleaded for more counseling. She refused.

I’ve been slandered by neighbors. Her mother—who should know better—has railed against me. But I’ve seen her trash Katie’s previous husband in front of the kids, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. Far from Christlike. Her mom also said she did not want Katie to get divorced but she did want her to be happy. Straight out of Satan’s playbook.

I originally started writing this story hoping to help other Christian men who’ve been betrayed by their wives. But I began to wonder if the details of my story are important? That said, I decided to focus on helping other men without sharing the details of Katie being unfaithful in our marriage.

Katie is an amazing woman. We were best friends. We dated well. And yet… she ran from everything God laid before us. All the blessings. I still don’t understand why.

I still love Katie. But more importantly, I pray God will do something radical in her heart to bring her back to Him. That’s what matters most to me now. Still, I wrestle: Was any of this real to her?

So, brothers—know this: not everything is black and white. But the Holy Spirit will lead you if you listen. Even if you have biblical grounds for divorce, that doesn’t mean you have to use them. Stay close to God. Listen carefully. There may come a time to walk away—but it may not be before you’ve spent months pouring out love while getting nothing in return.

Katie was my “ten” and the biggest loss of my life. I know God created us for each other. I just don’t know why He allowed it to end.

But I trust Him. I remain deeply grateful for the gift He gave me in her. Despite her battles, she was an extraordinary wife. Katie’s greatest struggle has always been that she doesn’t see this truth. No matter how tirelessly I tried to be her loudest cheerleader, she never fully grasped the depth of her worth to me. But God knows.

We always said, we either Win Together or Lose together.